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i just feel like such shit right now.

i can't even control my own emotions or anything. I feel so helpless and all I can do is cry...and not just a boo-hoo cry, but a hefty sob to the point of not being able to breathe cry.

I was cast in a show here at EUP, and it premiered this past weekend. The show was pretty awesome, overall. Met some people, got closer with others. I realized I cant give up theatre because that adrenaline rush and the crowd and the stage just put me in a euphoric state of mind. It was amazing. Chris came and saw me perform on Friday night. He loved it. Apparently, he didnt know that I could sing, so he was quite impressed. I loved it. Unfortunately, I didnt get the closure that I got with every other show I've done. Last night (or rather, this morning) left me with more questions than I had in the beginning...and I don't like it. I think I'm beginning to prefer gay men more than straight theatre men....straight theatre guys don't understand the meaning of "no, i have a boyfriend"; they also don't understand the fact that quick changes are done for the sake of making it back onstage ontime...not to lead them on. Oh yeah, and they also don't understand the bond between cast members.

Then we have my family. I haven't updated in a while because of the whole mess that's going on. My brother has caused a lot of problems lately. He's gone from an honors student to a delinquent and is now possibly on his way to juvie (best case scenario) or erie county prison (worst case scenario).

We were supposed to get the family income tax done 2 weeks ago. My mom thought she was holding everyone up because she didnt have the time to take it to the accountant...well on her day off she asked my dad for his stuff and he said , "what do you mean?? i dont have any of that done!!" so yeah, if i dont get everything done...i cant fill out the fafsa, and then no state aid, and then...no university. so i'm fucked. fucked. fucked. fucked.

Oooh yeah, and I have a test tomorrow on health and wellness...which should be easy. but this is all a bunch of medical jibber-jabber that I don't care about. SO I'll fail that. wonderful.

I just want to cry. a lot.
i think crying is totally valid in that situation.
lo siento mucho, miel