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I retract the statement in my last post unless you prove otherwise...again. I'm sorry to be so hesitant, but when you fall off the face of the earth for 3 weeks without contacting me (i.e. returning calls/text...including some humorous ones to make sure you're still alive) then I'm liable to think you're an asshole.

I mean, I get it. You're going through shit right now, but so am I. Wouldn't it be better to have someone to get through the shit with instead of holing yourself up or whatever the fuck you're doing? People at work ask me about you. It wasn't like this was a huge secret, even though I tried to make it one. They're concerned about you and....so am I. Won't you please just prove me wrong again and come back? Please?
I still love you. I know you'll never read this, but I want you to know and I want it out in the open.
21 BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thats right. i'm 21.
i just feel like such shit right now.

i can't even control my own emotions or anything. I feel so helpless and all I can do is cry...and not just a boo-hoo cry, but a hefty sob to the point of not being able to breathe cry.

I was cast in a show here at EUP, and it premiered this past weekend. The show was pretty awesome, overall. Met some people, got closer with others. I realized I cant give up theatre because that adrenaline rush and the crowd and the stage just put me in a euphoric state of mind. It was amazing. Chris came and saw me perform on Friday night. He loved it. Apparently, he didnt know that I could sing, so he was quite impressed. I loved it. Unfortunately, I didnt get the closure that I got with every other show I've done. Last night (or rather, this morning) left me with more questions than I had in the beginning...and I don't like it. I think I'm beginning to prefer gay men more than straight theatre men....straight theatre guys don't understand the meaning of "no, i have a boyfriend"; they also don't understand the fact that quick changes are done for the sake of making it back onstage ontime...not to lead them on. Oh yeah, and they also don't understand the bond between cast members.

Then we have my family. I haven't updated in a while because of the whole mess that's going on. My brother has caused a lot of problems lately. He's gone from an honors student to a delinquent and is now possibly on his way to juvie (best case scenario) or erie county prison (worst case scenario).

We were supposed to get the family income tax done 2 weeks ago. My mom thought she was holding everyone up because she didnt have the time to take it to the accountant...well on her day off she asked my dad for his stuff and he said , "what do you mean?? i dont have any of that done!!" so yeah, if i dont get everything done...i cant fill out the fafsa, and then no state aid, and then...no university. so i'm fucked. fucked. fucked. fucked.

Oooh yeah, and I have a test tomorrow on health and wellness...which should be easy. but this is all a bunch of medical jibber-jabber that I don't care about. SO I'll fail that. wonderful.

I just want to cry. a lot.

YEAH STEELERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ground Rules:
The first player of this "game" starts with the topic "5 Guilty Pleasures" and people who get tagged need to write an LJ entry about their 5 Guilty Pleasures as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next 5 people to be tagged and list their names

1. dancing in my room to pop music
2. raw brownie batter and cookie dough
3. watching sex and the city
4. eating ice cream with my boyfriend outside
5. daydreaming

Tag, you're it!
1. Madelyn
2. Emmy
3. Julie
4. Vince
5. Sky
You Should Date A Swede!

You're a romantic, albeit an understated and practical one.
It's more about a steady partnership for you, not unrestrained falling
Your Swede will give you the unwavering love you crave
While making up some mean pancakes and meatballs on the side!
Which Foreign Guy Should You Date?
The Twelve Days of Christmas
for shamrockrose:
Day #Who?What they got you
1sttangytacoA Bee Gees air freshener
2ndmaskedbeatriceTheir rendition of Baby got Back on karaoke
3rdbelprincipe86A sex-ed textbook from 1952
4thuprisingsA get out of jail free card
5thuprisingsA tricked-out, really really cold delorean
6thbroadwayangelwA Sigmund Freud action figure
7thdespuesanocheceA carefully choreographed dance sequence to Thriller
8thblood_and_artA sex-ed textbook from 1952
9thmorefinityA tiara
10thfroggyhopper86A fake ID
11thcymraeg_plentynA pardon for your restraining order
12thbroadwayangelwA box of Turkish delight
Take this Quiz at QuizGalaxy.com
( or, take the 'adult' version at QuizUniverse.com )
So, i'm pretty sure that things are alright.

I got my kisses...no gift, but i made chris open some gifts that i got him. He was pretty shocked (I got him a bunch of Cds from his favorite indie bands...). It was pretty awesome. I loved watching his face, the reactions, the...almost child like glee that poured out of him. It was super cute. He kept asking me how much I spent on him...I told him not to worry though, because all that mattered was that he was happy. So he told me that he would go to the mall and buy me all kinds of stuff because what he had for me didn't compare. i told him to forget about it...but...yeah, he wouldn't listen to me

Crazy boy :)

When I dropped him off he gave me a goodbye kiss, and i asked if everything was alright...he replied "yes, we're alright". I didn't stop smiling...i love him.

Life...is good. I love it like this. My mom said "i told you so" when i came back from dropping him off.
Chris tomorrow...to exchange gifts.

thank goodness it's getting better...

...i hope...